"Busto and my GF won't stake me"

Ok I was on 2+2 and I came accross this post and I thought it was hilarious 5 stars seriously read this!

"I am feeling so empty right now. My girl won’t give me any cash, (she says she’s broke) she’s a liar ..a fat liar her dad can go F**K a barnyard animal. He hates me cuz I'm a poker player and he says that I am ”No good for his daughter” I'm like "She's no good for me. Cant u see how fat she is and how fat she will become?" Shut him right up. Plus, I said if he doesnt start treating me nicer I'm going to talk her into leaving his fat ass in this state, then who’s gonna take his sheep to market????? Ahahahahah. OWNED.Cus my g/f is pregnant she thinks she can order me around??? Im like no bitch, go get your own F*****g pickles. What kinda psycho-hose-beast wants a F***ing pickle. Shes like “AHHHH, but ive got a craving them all day" then bursts into tears im like "WTF don’t try that S**t on me" Im like look, gimmie $75 so I can get us living the high life ON FTP! She's like wtf is FTP. I'm like “STUPID BITCH” shes like “I hate you...i hate you...i hate you” then she did this weird grunt fell over sideways on the couch and then started doing these really loud sobs that bellowed out into the house. I was thinking she sounded like a water buffalo or perhaps a hittototamus but I didnt want to piss her off any more until I had got me a bankroll (atleast enough for the 25nl im not playing with the crotch monkeys) So Im like just give me 300 for poker and through her tears and red eyes shes like "Thats how we ended up in this mess, we aren’t even gonna be able to afford formula when the baby comes" im like "But you have big tits and can breast feed till the baby is old enough to eat spaghetti!" she started babbling again... she said I can have $25 but thats all she got, I'm like WTF I cant do S**T with $25, shes like thats all I got im like "F**K you then" I’ll make my own money. Sell some body organs. So I go google that Shi* (apparently cant sell teeth but check this shi* out...
"The sale of kidneys is now has been made legal in Australia. People from all over the world have been contacting local papers throught the area seeking to place an advertisements for kidneys in which the standard going rate is $50,000."
IM like WHOOOOAAAA!, thats nosebleeds, thats noseeeeeeebleeds and I start getting excited and my girl asks whats the fuss, im like don’t talk to me fat A**. So a bad day turned out quite good. Called my boy up and he came thorugh.We smoked and talked about it. Apperently I got 2 kidneys. KAAACHHIINNNGG! Practically printing money right now. Only Gonna sell one though hopefully will have 50k soon.
Anyway I just went upstairs about 4am and my girl was snoring but I tried my luck anyway she was like "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW U stink" just cus I aint showered since yesterday she said I smell “musty” Im like "you should smell your pu**y." I went to sleep with grind on the mind"